He stood there trembling from fear, not knowing what to do, trying to calculate his steps. Suddenly he saw a stranger walking through the cemetery, and without thinking twice he run towards him: "Good evening sir, sorry I'm bothering you; do you mind if I join you? I am scared dead and can't get home... And so, he told him his story, as they walked. The stranger escorts him out of the cemetery. When they reached the exit, the stranger told him, "Believe me, I understand you. When I was alive, I was scared, too."
Cognitive dissonance refers to information carried on emotions. It exists when there is no compatibility, between a certain emotional "knowledge" and another emotional "knowledge". In the phrase Cognition knowledge, there is a kind of an oxymoron (one thing and its opposite). The emotion is located in the unconscious, the subconscious area. An area where language and thinking are abstract. An area we have no control over. On the other hand, cognition, by its very being, is in our area of consciousness. An area with concrete thinking. An area we have maximum to total control over.
The theory of cognitive dissonance will mean that any emotional sensation that appears in contradiction to another will create an imbalance that will lead to balance, because the aspiration of the person is to reach a feeling of equilibrium in the shortest way.
For example, if a person experiences confusion, or emotions that are identified as scary, threatening, or create some discomfort, words like " it will be ok, fine", "it will pass", or simply he moves away.
I am not going to elaborate on this theory in this article, I'm just pointing it out as a kind of introduction that might explain why we're afraid of changing behavior patterns. Change creates an imbalance and then the aspiration to reach balance arises as quickly as possible. The confused, tense place is an area that is not pleasant to be in. An area that is difficult to befriend with, even if it is a temporary delay to feel better in the future. We will always strive to achieve stability and therefore we will find it difficult to accept changes. Change represents a situation for us of instability and requires tremendous effort and a lot of energy investment, and if there is no concrete real reason, we do not want to invest energy in it. Like every system and every organism in nature, that acts on the principle of minimal cost-effectiveness, if not necessary, do not invest energy.
Another reason that provokes fears of change is the doubt. doubtful that the change will help, doubtful that it will be helpful, doubtful that it will improve.
Skepticism/doubtfulness is a positive thing, it protects us on the one hand and on the other hand it is the basis for any development of theories (If I doubt something, I will think of another answer). But endless skepticism leads to a lack of action, a lack of worldview and/or standing still.
When we're afraid of something, repression is our default. When we feel emotions that we recognize as "bad", scary, negative, weak, obscene.... We prefer to ignore them. We choose to remain in the comfort zone we know of and not change it.
Since the beginning of our childhood, we have adapted behavioral patterns designed to protect us. Patterns of behavior that helped us cope and survive as children. Children who depend on their parents, and authority figures in general. As adults, the same patterns of behavior no longer serve us. Our reality has changed. The exterior has changed, while the interior remains the same. The patterns of behavior that have become part of us, are now in fact, leaving us in the same place and not allowing us to move forward, realize and actualize ourselves and feel happy.
We all want to have a good life. Most of us want it to be better, but we prefer the known than the unknown. Even if what we are familiar with does not do us any good. We prefer the habit. The "doing nothing" or striving to control. We prefer to deal with the areas of consciousness than the unconscious areas. This is one of the reasons that change for the better is much more difficult than a change for the worse, or a change at all. Change takes work. Change for the better requires a lot of work. work with the soul, with emotions and unconscious is difficult and tiring and the results are not immediate, but they are results that remain.
And if we go back to the story in which I opened this article, we can see how much of our fears are virtual, imagined (since this is not a real threat to our lives) and do not belong to our contemporary reality.
The man in the story was stuck in a constant pattern of behavior in a fictive convenience zone.
He did not come to think about change but found only a tight and forced solution.
It is possible that following the meeting with the stranger, he will be able to understand that the reality is completely different from what he experiences emotionally, and there is a pattern of his behavior, which will allow him to live a life free of fear and constraint.