The complete dislocation of the little finger exposes the false self. |
- W. Winnicott’s work has allowed us to understand that only a true self can be analyzed and respond to a therapeutic program. If the therapist fails to recognize the client’s adoption of a false self, all efforts at intervention will come to naught. Very frequently compounding this difficulty is that it would be in the nature of a false self to function under the umbrella of practiced intellectual processes. These intellectual processes can be very sophisticated, thus masking the false self perhaps too well. They would then invite identification as a true self.
We would explain the self as that organization in personality that effects a consolidation between the anchor conscious-awareness delivers to the physical, material and social world, and the largely subconscious inner-world dimension which contributes emotional responses to stimuli along with the capacity for abstract conceptualizations. The latter would be linked to the individual’s very singular core identity. In other words, the self effects a merger between thinking and feeling…between mind and body, as it were. The enormous profit this affords the individual is that every choice and every decision fluidly accommodates just how this person both thinks and feels about them. With this sure sense of balance this person now has the wherewithal not only to be the person he or she was meant to be, but to design a world in harmony with the turn and temper of this perfectly tailored comprehensive identity.
History:
The history is always the same. The child “learns” from its mother that who he or she is, is unacceptable. Invariably it is the mother’s critical demeanor and cutting words, along with an oft repeated demonstration of her disappointment, that convinces the child that who he or she is, is utterly wrong. The damage this effects, beyond the devaluation of self-worth, is rather more insidious than these words may suggest. The child is moved to totally reject just about everything inherently natural to his or her person.
However genuine may be a talent or capability that these children possess, it would be their determined intention to conceal and deny its existence. The born dancer will convince the world that she has two left feet, and the born writer will complain of dyslexia and how difficult it is for him to compose even a simple letter. The born athlete will gravitate to the lifestyle of a couch potato, and the actress will never get any closer to the stage than a seat in the first row of the local cinema.
The false self takes root when these children begin to absorb and powerfully identify with everything that defines the mindsets of their mothers. They thus seek to neutralize her impossible threats. They acquire a perfect grasp of her perfectionist values, her likes, her dislikes, her expectations, and all her frames of reference relating to schooling, interpersonal relationships and the like. All this they integrate into their minds and hearts having them as their very own points of departure contributing the foundation to all their references to themselves and to the world external to themselves.